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Grizzly bears for global justice

June 21, 2002 | Page 4

IN THE search for ever-more remote locations to hold summits of the world's rich and powerful, government lackeys thought they found a good one: the Canadian Rockies.

But when George W. Bush and other world leaders meet for the Group of Eight summit next month, it won't be angry global justice protesters that they need to worry about. It will be the wildlife.

The local grizzly bear population will be coming out of hibernation around the same time that the summit takes place--and the bears will be hungry, skinny and stressed, according to wildlife biologists. So authorities have started "arresting" the bears in advance of the two-day summit.

Using helicopters, authorities plan to airlift bear "snipers" armed with tranquilizer darts through the 2,500-mile Kananaskis wilderness. Security agents have also received information on what to do in the case of an attack from cougars, wolves and, worst of all, pregnant moose.

"They have just started to calve and can get really protective over their young," says wildlife biologist Jon Jorgenson. "An angry moose could chase you right up a tree."

--The Observer, May 19, 2002

When a bribe isn't a bribe

IT'S LEGAL for executives from a U.S company to bribe foreign officials to reduce their company's taxes or customs payments. That's what a judge ruled in April, when he heard the case of American Rice, the largest rice miller in the U.S.

Earlier this year, company executives were charged with violations of a U.S. anti-bribery law. According to the Justice Department, they bribed Haitian officials in order to get their customs payments and taxes reduced.

But lawyers argued that even if a bribe was paid, it isn't illegal because the law only covers bribes made to "obtain or retain business." The judge agreed.

--Focus on the Corporation, April 25, 2002

Heard it through the grapevine

"There are known unknowns--that is to say, there are things that we now know we don't know but there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns."
--Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

"WE WERE told there were no friendly forces. If there was anybody there, they were the enemy. We were told specifically that if there were women and children to kill them."
--U.S. Army Private Matt Guckenheimer, recently returned from "Operation Anaconda" in Afghanistan

"DO YOU have Blacks too?"
--George W. Bush, to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso

"MR. PRESIDENT, Brazil has probably more Blacks than the U.S. Some say that it is the country with the most Blacks outside of Africa."
--National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, helping her boss out

"HE'S GOING to have to pull some strings to get me there."
--Ohio prison inmate Robert Kirkpatrick, after he was mistakenly mailed an invitation to a $2,500-a-plate fundraising dinner with President Bush

"ONE ACADEMIC expert calculated that a woman's chances of having Barbie's figure were less than one in 100,000."
--New York Times, on the Barbie doll

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